My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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