I just gift wrapped bread.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
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Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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