Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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