VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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