So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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