what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
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i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
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I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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