Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think I am morally bankrupt
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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