I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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