I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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