I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
50% drunk capacity currently
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize