I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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