Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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