Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I FOUND THE LEGS
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
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