I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Holy sore nipples Batman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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