You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
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I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize