Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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