I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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