guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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