I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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