I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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