god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
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He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
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Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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