Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
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My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
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We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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