Umm I'm too high to move.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
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You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
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There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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