I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
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Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
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she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize