just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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