Someone shit on the floor
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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