She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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