I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
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I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
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This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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