I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out mid-signature
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize