i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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