it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
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i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
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The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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