remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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