Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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