I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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