Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(319): View more from Iowa

i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet

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(319): i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet http://tfl.nu/p6vj

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(314): View more from Missouri

I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical

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(314): I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical http://tfl.nu/2sib

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(619): View more from California

He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.

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(619): He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting. http://tfl.nu/l79o

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(503): View more from Oregon

i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.

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(503): i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there. http://tfl.nu/qu8f

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.

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(508): Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast. (508): PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail. http://tfl.nu/qbqn

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(512): View more from Texas

we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us

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(512): we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us http://tfl.nu/0aiz

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(571): View more from Virginia

i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

so you made the shocked face and they caught you.

(571): View more from Virginia

yup.

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(571): i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise. (570): so you made the shocked face and they caught you. (571): yup. http://tfl.nu/1dzq

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(404): View more from Georgia

i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent

(770): View more from Georgia

don't you ever do that...

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(404): i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent (770): don't you ever do that... http://tfl.nu/61yw

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(564): View more from Washington

He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns

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(564): He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns http://tfl.nu/yiwx

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.

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(704): I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month. http://tfl.nu/869w

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(601): View more from Mississippi

He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.

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(601): He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT. http://tfl.nu/hra9

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(330): View more from Ohio

Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.

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(330): Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out. http://tfl.nu/uvib

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(619): View more from California

I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever

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(619): I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever http://tfl.nu/mt31

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(817): View more from Texas

It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.

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(817): It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life. http://tfl.nu/h7k0

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(301): View more from Maryland

Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.

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(301): Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you. http://tfl.nu/00du

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