You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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