It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize