he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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