just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize