Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize