Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
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you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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