he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every concussion has its silver lining
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize