Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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