Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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