what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
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What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
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I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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