i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
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If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
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Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
my poor anus
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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