so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
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We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
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she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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