What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There r osticjed everywhere
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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