she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I love you.
Bad choice
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