I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
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Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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